Creative writing – Harry Potter

Knockturn Alley was cold and gloomy, chants heard from shops and rooms. The ground lined with fog and weird patches. Knockturn alley gives a wretched smell that burns your nose.

Items all extraordinary in all their own ways, each a specific purpose. The basketballs are continually bouncing. Enchanted items line the shelves, some hanging from the ceiling.

The shop that caught my eye ‘Dick’s magic sporting goods.’ wonderful smells of the shop gave off a fresh new court kind of smell. Even the whole store looked brand new, like a fresh coat of paint on a car. A two-story building for this magical store. “The only positive shop in here,” I thought. We tour inside and the owner is watching the nwbc (national wizards basketball club) he’s rooting for the Knockturn Wizards to win. The floor is designed as a basketball court, a basketball hoop at both ends. Many clean professional looking scoreboards on the wall. The store radiates a certain feel about it, warm, cozy and a fun place to be, everything clean and tucked away. This shop gives off a warm feeling about it. A home, drawing you in.

There is no dust on any surface. The store is like a well-oiled machine, everything is where it is meant to be, nothing out of place or looking broken or misshaped, everything is perfect.

I roam to the back of the store and notice a door, a dark gloomy door. Loud noises coming from the door, I slowly creak it open it is old, wooden, chipped and broken. Barely holding on the old wooden chipped block, hiding only a fraction of the mystery behind it.

I swivel around and see a whole new area of the store, cold, cracked, blue as the deep blue ocean, nets on either side, as hard as the rock it’s built on. Laughing and cheering is all you hear, kids skating around, a release. A dark blue lake of ice mesmerizes me and holds me in front of it, looking onwards.

3 Comments

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Hi Kyle,

Here is some feedback.

Read your work out loud. There are several times where the words you are using do not fit with your intention. This makes your writing a little clumsy and makes it difficult to follow.
Pay closer attention to your spelling, grammar and capitalisation. There are several errors popping up in your work. You need to identify these and correct them.

Keep at it.

Mr Johnson

Hi Kyle,

Some of your description is unclear and confusing. You seem to jump from one idea to another. You need to develop your structure so that your reader is guided through your store in a natural way.
Read your work out loud. Some of your sentences do not flow in the way you are intending. This is something you need to address in order to help you reader understand the description of your store.

Mr Johnson

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